Sunday, April 21, 2013

Kurt's Korner

Editor's Note: Kurt submitted this piece a couple of months ago. We apologize for the delay in posting. It took time to have it fact checked by our Fact Checking department. Then Legal had to analyze it for liable. And finally, Intellectual Property needed to determine if the sport of cycling has sole rights on the issue of athletes and doping. Turns out they don't.

Performance-Enhanced Climbing Grades

Due to cycling's recent problems with drugs, the Mill Creek Developers (being one of the most cutting edge groups around for rock climbing -- see previous posts) will start a drug testing program for First Ascents. So that we'll be able to test from now until doomsday please submit 1 to 2 pints of urine. Since we don’t have a bathroom nor officials to monitor collection, please just ask all the climbers on the wall to watch you create your sample.

We won’t give an opinion if drugs are good or bad. We will just add the use, if detected, to the rating of any climbs the associated climber puts up. Since drugs can be categorized as affecting Head (H) or body (B), we will reference them separately. The Head rating will go something like: H1: Mary Jane (see the 1970’s), H2: Cocaine, etc. The Body rating will go something like: B1: Speed, B2: EPO, B3: Steroids, etc.

Going forward, climbs will have ratings like 5.11a/bB1H1L R 

I added the last L for a Left-handed crux. I’m tired of being discriminated against for that. I assume you all know what the R is for.

More info coming as soon as I make it up.